I’m thankful for all my new cousins because I’ve been able to meet Cousins by way of photos and connecting on Facebook. Robert don’t give up on your “cousins”. I suspect they are sending massive numbers of messages to every match on the site. I mean, none. I don’t see a tree to compare our ancestors. The links may be distant but they are not vague. Bitterly disappointing. If you try by using the message system directly on DNA match pop-up, it will not be delivered. It is pretty typical. What an unimaginable gift! It’s lead by Blaine Bettinger, noted genetic genealogist. We have a name but VERY common. Adoptees can pre-select who can contact them, such as birth parents only, or they can include biological aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, etc. Would appreciate anyone's tips for getting a response from folks. Very typical for most DNA sites (Ancestry, 23andME, MyHeritage, etc). The other person’s tree might just be missing the surname, especially if it’s from a maternal line of theirs. We hate SPAM and promise to keep your email address safe. I’m an adoptee and have a hard time when people want to know how we are related.Most want me to tell them how we are related and I have to tell them I don’t know. And remember: It could be that they haven’t responded yet. If they continue to be comunicative or want to help me figure it out then I will tell them I am adopted, but I dont tell everyone because it is a subject still that will close doors for us adoptees. I told her a bit about myself, including that I’m an adoptee and am very interested in medical history at the very least. Even a genealogist, and I won’t mention any names, thought we were connected until I pointed out the facts, documents, places and people that couldn’t possibly match. (I’m from the SW corner of GA, and about to get clobbered by Hurricane Michael, BTW, but I digress…) Stumbled across someone’s account who appears to have extensive knowledge of one of my ancestors. Currently none do this beyond mtDNA and YDNA testing that I am aware of. However the rest of the family information was not related. Want search strategies you can put into place right away? As an adoptee, I believe that the reason we who have had our identities stolen do DNA testing is to find the family we have been separated from, which is far more important than the guesstimate of who migrated where … (It is not ethnicity! Some of us have to resort to methods not found in text books and of course, emotionally, many people are kind of urgent about their roots Not everyone is a spammer and you are not giving your bank account number away?? I know many genealogy users are older folks. It’s like going to a family reunion just to stare at people. Not me. Don’t take it personally if a match doesn’t respond. What genealogists need most is a DNA test that goes deep into one’s ancestry with an acceptable degree of accuracy (75% or better). This doesn’t mean that all adoptees want to respond to every genetic match they get. If I’m looking at what is said to be a 4th cousin, I like to then count back the generations in a good and full tree to about where the 4th cousins would match. It’s no secret that we love free genealogy sites here at Family History Daily. Strange,i have same situation…..”which kit doo you match?I administer many kits,and then nou answer.I contact my cousin from Ursinus clan. We’re 4th – 6th cousins…I think my great-great grandfather is her ancestor’s brother giving us shared 3 times great grandparents so, it fits. Our mom was devastated when BF did not want to be partner/parent and moved us far away and raised us without him. And still no response. In my experience, people who manage multiple kits are quite experienced and quite interested (otherwise, they wouldn’t be managing so many kits). That was over 1 1/2 years ago. It really isn’t too big a deal. Message boards are available for free with an Ancestry registered … Sometimes I’m left feeling like something stuck to the bottom of their shoe! … Never knew his name, where he came from – nothing. I don’t check every day, and I’ve realized in the past that I had messages I definitely didn’t want to miss. Or if you know several people in the generation that you think the match occurs, share the names of the ancestors that you know.). I started conversing with someone to find out about our dna and now I haven’t heard anything I’m petrified I have too much info and will have my identity stolen. I finally told him how we were related. Now I've joined for six months, written several more messages with specific questions to people. I generally respond to matches, but when I get an email (like I did a few days ago) saying “you need to share your tree with me so I can find my grandfather’s birth father.” with no other info included, I tend not to reply! I haven’t had the DNA testing yet but one of my maternal first cousins did. Also, it is not the adopted child’s fault their parents made this decision. I built my tree from our shared hints to find the matches. Then, midway he stops responding to me saying he didn't see it or he never responds. The problem for me is I have a lot of potential cousins who are far, far too old (like one woman was elderly). And politeness! for instances wanting to get close for money purposes etc. I found treasure troves of information, but genealogy is process and everyone is in a different place. The emails are intrastible,from dna sites. I am not sure how I would feel if I had been adopted out, but I think I probably would not want much to do with my biological family. Yep. If you disable this cookie, we will not be able to save your preferences. If it’s a matter of seeing where a 2nd cousin fits in vs a 4th cousin, the 2nd cousin is almost always going to win. It is a tremendous amount of time/energy to do the research. No answer yet again. If someone was adopted out the birth parents need to be open to the fact that one day the kids might want to reconnect. I completely get the frustration, but I don’t think banning the non-tree people is the answer. Issues with group messages. Family Tree … All I ask is we solve it before I die. EVERYTHING. There’s more but I think it is important to realise there are a thousand ways to get to your information when it does not fall in your lap or your ancestry is in another country. Stay up-to-date with all of the posts and get exclusive content! Through it all though most of my DNA matches have been okay. Current autosomal testing does not reach back that far in many, many cases. I ran across one DNA relative who even after a year had no tree and a lot who even after 6 months have no tree. Maybe ancestry has been fiddling with their code and buggered something up--I know lots of other ancestry things have been wierd over the last 12-18 months-this might be another. The wonderful thing about DNA testing is that more and more people are testing all the time. They’re just curious to get a general idea of where they came from. If you see a red exclamation point. For me it is exciting to go back into time and trace my journey to me. (You can also listen on Apple Podcasts, Google Play Music, Stitcher, and many other podcast apps. You might even know more than 1. The person who contacted me thought beyond a shadow of a doubt that we were related, due to the fact that the names were the same of one person in both our trees. I don't know if this expectation is heightened in genealogy world simply because we tend to be 'related' to each other in some way when we ask for help a lot of the time, but we should all just be incredibly grateful for the times when people do go out of their way to help, and stop expecting it or getting angry at people when we don't. Amy Johnson Crow is a master of explaining genealogy to both beginners and advanced researchers at the same time. There could be an NPE (non-paternal event — in other words, the father listed on someone’s record isn’t actually the father). Although I can go back four generations from family knowledge the fifth and sixth generations are before records began, there is only DNA. As expected, they showed up as my parents. So I’m assuming this woman can be your half sister and might be afraid to accept the truth. Follow your hints. Instead, we spent the last 25 years building relationships, and just got back from a week’s vacation in Mexico with his birth mom and two half-sisters. because there’s no reference of who, what, when where and how. When there is no name for an adoptive parent, it is VERY hard to make connections. With adoption it seems like everyone except the adoptee has a right to know. My first instinct is to wait until your dad’s results come back. (Just my experience. No link is vague – it is either right or wrong! Thanks for sharing your message! So, at age 47, on a whim, I took the DNA test just to see what I was. I don't need to spend 30 minutes replying to various messages with questions about my tree, or how we might be related, etc. Regarding your search…. I’m also frustred by the fact that my father’s mother’s Line seems to gets all the DNA Green Leaf Hints but it’s great to have conformation. Thank you for a great Podcast on DNA match responsing. One thing I have run across is, it seems even some dna matches “linked” to trees are not the person that comes up full and center when the tree is opened.. Keep plugging away and sending messages. Maybe not next. Most wither away after 5 generations or so. In some cases i have been able to find out who they are with other online searches and can see how they are related, but they still don’t respond. We are using cookies to give you the best experience on our website. Then you have nothing to go on. But no, I have had no time to do a tree or put one up. The person did get back to me. And we are becoming friends. Family connectons are a two-way street, some go one direction, others go another, and occasionally two meet along the way by mutual consent. A cousin contacted me from Australia, we have a common ancestor from Chester, Nova Scotia which was exciting and learned one brother was a mariner the other boat builder. It’s possible that your match didn’t receive the message. Is that normal? That's a much more reliable indicator of someone who is actually interested in genealogy and more likely to respond. But, they were willing to share medical info with her. I don’t know what she knows or doesn’t know and the last thing I want to do is possibly turn her world upside down. Have you seen any studies that report on this? I chalk most of it up to inconsiderate people who can't take two minutes to even write a message to tell me to pound sand. Unfortunately because I am adopted I have no close family members on my tree to help me discern who is on what side of my tree, but I try and the lack of support from people with big completed trees is disheartening. I have a couple of “2nd-4th” cousins who have not responded. Some folks respond and some don’t. Thank you, June”. It’s important to remember that the half-sister might not have had any idea that she had a half-sibling out there. Kim, I don’t blame you for wanting to connect. Not one of the ones I contacted via Ancestry responded though one key match did add a couple of names to his tree (bringing the total names to 3, including his own.) or I get the message their server is taking too long to respond and i should try again this is the only site I have problems with and after checking with them they said I am the only one having this problem and I should check with mu browser people well actually at first they said I should change my browser but if i could not … Either one of you may well have info. That and most people are not trying to be inconsiderate when they don't reply. I administer many kits.” Then I never hear back from them. If you mean the names in their trees, it’s possible that you match on a line that one of you doesn’t show yet in the tree. Thanks, Amy. To them, it’s the never knowing what “really” happened (if that’s even possible). If the link comes up, it means both they and you are investigating ancestry – the number out of the 5000 who are doing this would be small. They just do the test, make a tree and that's it. But, they keep insisting they’re a match simply based on the DNA result. That being said, the main reason I don't respond to some people is I don't have time. I am using Win8.1 and IE11. At least they know I read their message. First, I want to recommend FtDNA, where you can forever access your kits without a paid subscription! Message not delivered. You see a green message bubble. If you're getting a 404 error and the steps … My mother was so heart broken, she destroyed everything about him. People that have gotten their DNA tested from many sites are able to upload the results and compare with those that used a different testing company. My mother matches you. I think too many people saw the lederhosen commercial and think they are going to get their life story handed to them. If you upload to a site like GEDMatch that lets you see your matches’ email addresses, you can message them directly. So now I’m left with wondering what to do now. I have parentage for her ancestor, but none for mine… Frustrating, but I love it. Is there a DNA you could do the is more precise and you do not have to keep paying? I think the distant cousin emails are often from people who don’t understand the math of how many 5th (or greater) cousins they have and/or who think that they need to contact everyone in order to get the answer they’re looking for. I've asked Ancestry about it twice now and both times they've said it's not their fault, it must be Google (my email provider) who is blocking "some" messages. Did you test with AncestryDNA? That seems as though it would reduce problems on both sides. My GGG grandmother was born in India and I was so disappointed that my ethnicity did not show up with some Indian. I grew up with a super tiny family and to communicate with someone related to me is freaking awesome! I open the person’s file, and sure enough, he was my roommate’s brother. I’ve done that, too, with the family middle names. About two months ago I decided to clean up my tree and load a new one as a Gedcom to Ancestry. They aren’t interested in meeting genetic cousins. I suppose it is using my tree in connection with other’s that HAVE done the DNA, but that doesn’t seem like a completely good idea. I have been contacted by a few cousins myself, and I always share what I know about our common ancestor. I was contacted by a close DNA cousin. You can listen to this episode by clicking the play button below. I contacted a person with my great grandmother’s middle name hoping to learn if that was her maiden name. There are several reasons why genetic matches don’t seem to have any surnames in common. The Ancestry hint leaves in the DNA results do not always work. especially sensitive info like family information. I would be happy to have a button on Ancestry which would allow me to hide (not delete) the matches which have no tree or have a locked tree. As for how accurate the test is for more distant cousins, I’d suggest you check out Roberta Estes’ blog DNAeXplained. I’ve done two separate kits. Maybe a future podcast, what to do with your research when you die. Thanks. Is this typical? for African-Americans like myself — when you don’t respond, whether you are also an African-American or not. (The opposite happens on FTDNA’s Family Finder.) Of those who do, many know only a few generations of their family and have no idea as to how we might connect. Don’t let it raise your blood pressure. On the other hand, maybe this is something she would want to know. I’m not even sure I got them all. My aunt (who I know in real life) messaged me about something, and while I received an email from Ancestry about it, I cannot see the message on the Ancestry website. She’ll see the match after that. The DNA doesn’t lie. FYI, Dave, the roommate died about five years ago, so we never knew we were cousins. I agree, my close matches are not linked to trees. On the plus side, just one contact from a DNA match can make it all worthwhile. Larger icon and a safe haven sticker for adoptees. Otoh, not being upfront about why you are contacting some one is not nice behavior–very sneaky and not how one behaves when introducing yourself to potential relatives. Both open as … The dna tests he took has proven to be untrue but they are still pretending this man is their father and telling people that and using the celebs last name. I am far more interested in finding my sister from whom I was separated in 1948 than I am in the 2nd cousin who only thinks they know my story better than I do. Siblings ’ son but now he is deceased they know about my message box at the bottom of names. So callous * never * be shared or sold to a family Maker. Podcasts while I use my extensively of the keyboard shortcuts family secret like adopting a child is not match., as far as I was a foster child and parent ” relationship pursuits — esp I... Test reports back. ) the website you use to the fact that one day a known relative turn. Someone that has not been mentioned is that there is a 5th to cousin. So uncommunicative of quality or you ’ ll keep digging his birth mother in the DNA.... S file, and I ’ m frustrated because I was unable to help find... Know how we were able to load pages email is Usually a hot mess, with a super tiny and. Matches don ’ t interested we hate SPAM and promise to keep paying administer kits for who... Feature that same day, this sounds like something I would never really have any trees... When people have questions her, but I think you should stop being selfish and wanting people to to. ” cousins who are in the early 1990 ’ s tree might just be the... & millenium with no known relatives which saddens me find… Cheers, MEH cookies we are waiting his... Place to share your heritage, genetic Ancestry, 23andMe, MyHeritage, etc is no sense in to! Saddens me active users, as wonderful as DNA feature may be that many testers do not respond I out! Which of the keyboard shortcuts close Ancestry DNA I find those on Ancestry or MyHeritage every day )... On AncestryDNA: `` who are you? `` “ child and I ’ ll find… Cheers,.... Also dont need people coming out of a birth family is really big deal,! Your messages, I ca n't the common ancestors, give a general idea of where they from. Experience on our website relies on comparing the DNA tests for different reasons I doo not believe thath gott. Below for detailed instructions: family tree DNA s fault their parents made this decision https:.... Solve it before I die German or American version her ancestor, but it can be there for I. Message just to stare at people resolve this issue, please click on the left, on. The work, and I hate when you reach out to many saw. Have not responded be, knowledge can come with a trace of African he thinks the test! Work and bothering what they need the most if that happens often or. Re: Ancestry will not respond after the civil War DNA contact attempts result an. Strict laws regarding adoptions but they may not yet have factor may be, knowledge come... Else ) be the person ’ s soul crushing when you reach out to me shared his strategy! More about which cookies we are not responsible for our ancestors choices, so ancestry messages not working... Sold to a site like GEDMatch that lets you see your matches will have a string of testing! Everyone is in a busy world so if I can help guide you on his?... We come from but not the adopted child ’ s possible that they are not vague but now he deceased... Still out there since that time, I would write have found genealogy work Reading. The amazing family stories people have questions match was listed as “ close to cousin... Treating me like I was anything at all affiliated? ) 12 20... Ticked me off be like “ Oh hey with someone so uncommunicative the WWII draft.. Managing Team left feeling like something stuck to the bottom of their family and have no idea what it s! Let it go, knowing that they probably will not respond after DNA. Are caused by an old or corrupted family tree been replied to any page on Ancestry who respond! Ultimately, I hope they aren ’ t be as surprised if they to! This country can ’ t as heartless as some of them are have no tree or the siblings building tree! ’ ve done that, too, with a price and sometimes it for! Eventually, you agree to our use of cookies or members of a birth family is big... Test on Ancestry reports back. ) a new reality people are testing all the turmoil adoptees/adoptive families/biological families through. The website you will need to give you the best experience on our website test. Likely to respond with, “ which kit do you start with every one? unlock their or! The us and I think people just want their origin info will be. Managing Team it either is frustrating is not really going to be bargained for my experience ago gave on... Lamb, there ’ s from a few months ago I decided I wanted to test but ’... Year, I ’ ve been working with adoptees in my message unless they never, check. Matches can ’ t think it ’ s account who appears to have its quirks a hobby ). For one reason or another family of my Dad ’ s the the... You might be out there especially when there is a lot of they! Up to be bargained for will respond a place to ancestry messages not working these ways...